A Father’s Guide to 5 O’clock…Then and Now

Ahhh…..the 5 O’clock hour…. the time for most fathers to call it day and head home to the the family they hold most dear to their heart.

Let’s take a look at the difference between 5 O’clock fatherhood then and the 5 O’clock fatherhood now.

Getting Home Then

An article entitled “How to Help Your Husband Get Ahead” in Coronet Magazine in January 1954 states that no matter how much a man likes his job, a certain amount of tension is built up in his working hours. If this tension is broken when he goes home, a man can re-charge his mental, physical, and emotional batteries.  Meals that are rarely on time — litter in the bathroom — unmade beds; these and other signs of unfinished business in the housekeeping department can drive a man to poolrooms, saloons, and blondes.

From a February 1940 article in Good Housekeeping called “My Husband Says –”, it advises women to….Take the trouble to spruce up before he comes home.  He has been looking forward to this moment all day.  Make it worth while. If you drift in the habit of looking a bit messy, you can’t blame him if his belief that he has captured a prize suffers a slump.  Even if you are in the midst of getting dinner, you should be trim and fresh, clean and kissable.  You don’t have to look beautiful, but you should look good enough to eat.

Getting Home Now

Ever since having children, traffic congestion has never been a problem for me.  That 30 minutes in the car by myself from the time I leave the office to the time I pull into the driveway is “my time”.  That is about all the time I have to re-charge my mental, physical, and emotional batteries.  Lately, by the time I park the car in the garage my 3 year old has the door to the house wide open and is saying Daddy!  The unusual thing about this is she is usually not wearing any pants.  I personally don’t blame her, I would prefer to not wear pants too, but unfortunately that sort of thing is looked down upon in society.

Usually I head into the house not knowing what to expect.  I had mentioned in a past blog that I used to pause before opening the door to the house to listen for clues about the forthcoming chaos.  I usually went with the three cry litmus test.  If I only heard one cry, it was going to be an ok night.  If I heard two cries, it might be a tough one.  If I heard three cries,  I usually contemplated sitting outside for a little while longer.  Now that my three year old greets me at the door, my recent litmus test has been the “wife face” method.  Most men can determine within 5 seconds of looking at their wife’s face whether or not it has been a productive day, the kids napped well, the house is picked up, dinner is ready, and if there is any chance they will be making love that night.  Usually, when the “wife face” method looks like a bad night, I ask if someone got the mail (hoping for that extra minute of inner peace to the mailbox and back)

Dinner in the 5 O’clock hour is always a treat.  My wife and I usually eat in shifts.  One helps out with the children, while the other eats dinner.  Occasionally I get the chance to actually taste my food, but a lot of times it goes down so quick I can’t even remember what was even on the menu.  I am pretty sure I now know how those professional eaters train for the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest…they just have lots of kids!

As dinner is complete the 5 O’clock hour winds down and we head into what I sometimes refer to as the 6 O’clock “survival hour” which involves keeping the kids at bay for another hour and half until bedtime.  Once 8 O’clock hits, peace has usually returned to the household.

While surviving the 5 O’clock madness could make any modern day father want to head to the poolroom or saloon, my wife and I actually enjoy navigating through this crazy life of ours together….plus I already have three blonde little girls that keep me coming back home every night!

Click here to see what she said about The Most Dreaded Hour

Resolutions….or lack thereof

Well, its January….the new year….a fresh start. The time when everyone makes resolutions to do all sorts of things that when accomplished will provide the quality of being resolute in a purpose.

I can’t really remember my resolutions in 2011.  2011 was what my wife and I dubbed “the year of survival”.  We started the year with a one year old turning two and three month old twins….3 kids under the age of 2!  Often, I look back and ask myself (epecially when all three of them are crying in 3.1 surround sound) WHAT WERE WE THINKING! Being a man, probably most of my reasoning was in “Cave Man” mode at the time, realizing that I was going to be getting more time in the bedroom trying (if you know what I mean)!  Granted, we were not expecting to have twins….that was a nice gift from the guy upstairs, and we are blessed because of it. So, in 2011 we did what we needed to survive. We got extra jobs to pay the bills,  endured sleepless nights, and price matched at WalMart.  Needless to say, 2011 was not a breakout year in blog writing.  To be honest, the stories and ideas were there, it just sounded a lot nicer after getting kids to bed and picking up toys to do other things that required less brain power (ie. TV and Facebook).

So, that brings us to 2012 and resolutions.  As you can have probably already guessed, I am dubbing 2012 (among other things my wife has rolled her eyes at) as “the year of the blog”.  This is really important for me to write ”life” down now so we can look back when all the girls are older and use these posts as evidence for “see…. its not just you” moments.

Also, in other exciting news for 2012, my wife and I have decided to write our blogs so that the ideas and stories run synonymously with each other. Now you can always get both sides of the story in a He Said/She Said format.  This will also eventually help determine the answer to ”who was the cooler parent” discussion later on in life.  You can always see her side of the story here: 4 Jills and a Jack

So, its a re-grand opening of sorts to The Odds Are 4 to 1.  Here’s to a great 2012 and the stories that will come with it!

3 Kids, a Mortgage, and an Odyssey….and all this Responsibility.

Yesterday was my 31^st birthday and after we got all the kids to bed I was finally able to sit down and reflect on the past year.  Maybe it was the fact that year 30 is still next to year 29, but it didn’t really hit me that I was truly in my 30’s until I sat there last night and began to think how much my life has changed over the last year.  

In year 31 of my life I managed to graduate with an MBA, buy my first house, prepare mentally when I found out I was going to be a father to twin girls, successfully steer a toddler through the trials and tribulations of the dreaded “2’s”, run a half marathon, buy a minivan, and manage to raise 8 month old twin babies!  Now I am not going to take all credit for this because I have had an amazing wife that supported me in all these endeavors, but when you sit down and take a look at all those amazing accomplishments a man/husband/father has to be proud!  Here are some of the reasons why I know I have successfully begun my journey as a Thirtysomething.

- Yes I have found a few gray hairs, but I am still going with the response that they must be left over dead hair from the years of 1998 and 1999.  During those pivotal years in my adult development I decided to bleach my hair with the industrial strength stuff you get from the beauty supply store…Bad idea.

- My 2 year old told me that I was tall the other day.  I have never been told that in my entire life.  I suppose I probably have about 12 years to enjoy that.

- Remember that one radio station that your parents listened to that said “the best of the 70’s, 80’s, and today”…now it says “the best of the 80’s, 90’s, and today” and it plays the songs I like.

- I know what days and where all the restaurants are that advertise that Kids Eat Free.

- The other weekend I went to bachelor party and we went to a bar that had mostly college aged women and really loud music.  For the first time in my life, I suddenly felt like that creepy old guy in the bar.

- My definition of “going out” on a Friday night is sitting on my front porch with my wife and a glass of wine after the kids are in bed.

- Everything in this YouTube video is something that I can associate with: Dad’s Life

To most Twentysomthings I may seem like a pretty boring guy, but just like most adults my age, I’m just living life and enjoying it my own way.  Something they will probably only understand once they are in their 30′s.  So we will see what year number 32 brings.  I am anticipating not having as many big “life events” and hopefully not too many new gray hairs! Cheers!

In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days long.  ~Nikita Ivanovich Panin

0 to 1 to 3…..Life in the HOV Lane

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what life was like only 3 years ago and what life is like now with 3 children.  Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want anything different, because I love being the dad to three beautiful daughters, but the challenges presented when adding children to a family and how moms and dads balance all of them is an amazing feat that brings out skills most parents never even knew they had. 

Both my wife and I have a lot of friends that either are still single, married, or have only one child.   I will be honest, most of the time when I talk to these friends or see comments on sites like Facebook about putting in long hours at work, bosses being pains in the ass, long days from being up all night with a crying baby, or that the baby won’t nap and eat, I tend to roll my eyes and with disgust say something like “They have nooo idea”.  My mother-in-law said it best at a family dinner once that a couple with a child is a couple with a child, a couple with two children is a family, and a couple with three children is a disaster! (This is coming from a woman that has three daughters herself!)

Now, do I think our family is a disaster…certainly not, but it sure does feel like a form of “organized chaos” at times.  So, in response to my mother-in-law’s comment and in good humor, I thought it would be fun to look at some of life’s basic moments and how that has changed for me over the last three years. 

Disclaimer….this is written from a male/dad perspective and the following thought and actions are not representative of my beautiful wife or amazing family! 

Coming Home from Work

3 years ago:  I would eat dinner, did any yard/house work that needed to be done, and watched some TV.

2 years ago: I would eat dinner, feed Ava a bottle, do some studying or write a paper, and possibly watch some TV.

Today: I pull the car in the garage, stop at the door before entering into the house and listen for a screaming or crying child (my litmus test to determine a good vs. bad night), help feed one of the twins or fix Ava dinner, eat dinner as fast as I can so my wife can eat dinner as fast as she can, maybe get the lawn mowed, help put the kids to bed, and then pick up all the toys strewn around the house for the rest of the night.

Dinners

3 years ago:  Enjoy a nice dinner talking about our day with my wife.

2 years ago:  Eat dinner with my wife with Ava crying in the background.

Today:  Eat dinner with myself as fast as I can with Ava whining about some piece of food touching another piece of food all while having both Aubree and Annelise crying in full surround sound stereo!

Bath Night

3 years ago:  What is bath night?

2 years ago: My wife quickly gives Ava a bath, while I am probably studying or writing a paper.

Today:  I call it “the assembly line” of kids.  First, the twins are in the tub, which immediately means Ava gets it in her head that she needs to get in the bathtub too.  Aubree is bathed and handed off to mom for lotion and pajamas.  Then Annelise is bathed and hopefully mom has been able to get pajamas on Aubree.  Once the Aubree’s pajamas are on, she immediately starts crying for a bottle.  Then the Annelise gets lotion and pajamas and starts crying too.  As both twins are crying, Ava is trying to drink the bath water, which I am sure each of the twins have peed in.  I drain the tub and fill water in it for Ava’s bath.  Then, I proceed to let Ava color with her bath crayons all over the tub while I feed one of the twins and my wife feeds the other.  My wife puts the twins to bed, and I finish giving Ava a bath and putting on her pajamas.

Putting Kids to Bed

3 years ago: N/A

2 years ago:  My wife and I take turns each night giving Ava a bottle, reading her a book, and putting her to bed.

Today:  Each night we give the twins a bottle.  We take turns on who gets the rocking chair in their room and who has to sit on the floor and feel their butt get numb all while trying to read them a book and keeping Ava from destroying their room.  We put them down and listen to them cry themselves to sleep and do best out of five of rock, paper, scissors to see who has to read books to Ava and lie down with her until she falls asleep.

Running Errands

3 years ago:  Get in the car and go.

2 years ago:  5 minutes extra to get Ava in her car seat and baby bag together.

Today:  15 minutes planning and 15 minutes extra to get everyone ready, in their car seats, and baby bags together.  Then, we always get about 5 minutes on the road and we have to turn around because we forgot something.

Golfing

3 years ago:  I was golfing in a weekly league, many weekend rounds with friends, and dramatically improving my game.

2 years ago:  I was a substitute for the weekly league and got to golf some weekends.   My game was steady.

Today:  What’s this game of golf you speak of?

Hunting

See Golfing. Same Story.

Cars

3 years ago:  Ford F-150

2 years ago:  Ford F-150

Today: Traded in the Ford F-150 for a Minivan.  Enough said.

Going out of Town (Man Weekend)

3 years ago:  I could pretty much go as I pleased.

2 years ago:  Ran it by the wife, but it was usually ok (went to a bachelor party out of town 15 days after Ava was born).

Today:  Feeling of guilt every time I leave town for leaving the wife alone to do everything (See Dinner and Putting Kids to Bed).

Date Nights

3 years ago:  Usually every week we would go out for a nice dinner.

2 years ago:  Grandparents were happy to watch Ava, and we would go out at least once a month.

Today:  We have had two date nights together since the twins were born, which we felt guilty the whole time we were gone, because we did not want to leave the grandparents with all of them (See again Dinner and Putting Kids to Bed).

As I said before, I love my life, I thank god everyday for my wife and girls, and wouldn’t want it any other way, but I thought it would be great to show a number of examples how dramatically my life has changed from going to 0 to 1 to 3.  Everyday gets easier, and I am sure someday I will be more than happy to report I got my golf game, hunting, date nights, and truck back!  Then I will probably look back and want it to be right now when my girls didn’t put on makeup, dream about leaving me and going away to college, and the only boy they knew was their daddy!

Did a Skunk Eat Your Panties?

So you are about to enter the world of a 2 year old…please fasten your seatbelt and hang on!

Just before my oldest daughter Ava turned two, we started on the journey of potty training.  Both my wife and I have found this little adventure less then thrilling because no matter how hard you try to get it in a toddler’s head that peeing and pooping in their pants is not a “big girl” thing to do, trying to get that point to stick seems to be an impossible task.

So we have been told by other parents to work on finding a creative way to make her understand that using the potty is a better choice and when you find that right thing, it will just click.  We tried all sorts of things from Elmo’s “potty time” DVD, bribery via gummy bears and M&M’s, extravagant potty dances performed by mom and dad that would wow the judges on Dancing With the Stars, and yes, even visual “learn by example” lessons taught during mom and dad’s “own” potty time.  Being the parents we are (or if you ask my wife….the parent I am)….we might have taken the whole creative thing a little too far on our latest tactic.

It all started a few months back when Ava was watching a Curious George cartoon that involved him getting sprayed multiple times by a skunk, which resulted in him having to take a bath over and over again.  We began telling Ava before bath time that she was smelly as a skunk.  She didn’t like this so she would want to get in the bath tub right away to get cleaned.  Then we wondered if we could use this skunk thing to our advantage for potty training.  We began telling her that she was as “wet as a skunk” which made her really mad because she didn’t like being wet as a skunk…She would say “Don’t say that Daddy”.  Being the person I am, I took it further and began pretending that a skunk was at our front door and wanted to come in and eat her wet panties.  It was a mean skunk that would bite you if you didn’t tell mom and dad in time that you had to get changed.  We tried to reason with her that if she goes on the potty and keep her panties dry, the skunk wouldn’t come.  I showed her where he lived in the storm drain at the end of our street (she has to be in the stroller whenever we go near it on walks) and I suppose I took it a little too far when I used ketchup as fake blood to show her where the skunk bit me.  As with everything we have tried, the “skunk” tactic seemed to be working for a while, but just like all the other things we tried it wasn’t quite the thing that made the “going on the potty” thing click on a lightbulb. For example, just the other day on the ride home from daycare, Ava proudly told me that she liked going potty in her pants.

Needless to say, we are still working on the potty training thing, but I may have also succeeded in damaging her psychologically too.  Now that you mention it giving our children nicknames of butter, tank, and peanut probably hasn’t helped either.

Whacko Parent of the Year award 2011….enough said!

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

It’s about time….

I know what my wife is thinking…it’s about time he wrote something on this blog that he set up over a month ago!  Before I can start writing whatever nonsense I decide to divulge to the rest of the world, I have to establish what this blog is about and why I decided to start one.

First and foremost, I have to admit that my Type A wife will probably cringe at my writing style when she reads this and will want to go in and probably edit every post I make, but isn’t that the beauty of a blog….finally I can write something that doesn’t require 4 or 5 revisions and multiple re-types (I just finished graduate school).

I can probably sum up the blog into two quotes. First, a quote that sums up the ”what” part of the blog would be….

“Families are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.

My wife and I used this quote for our wedding video and I have always loved it because it rings true with any family.  If you would told me three years ago that I would be the father of three beautiful girls, I would have laughed and said “yeah right, the only way that could happen is if my wife and I had twins”….little did I know!

Now to the “why” part.  If you have known me for awhile, one of my favorite quotes is:

“Time is not measured by a watch, but by moments”

Moments are what makes a person’s life complete.  Too many times people (myself included) have to measure life by acheivements like more money, bigger houses, cooler cars, and more powerful jobs.  Now that I have a wife and children I find myself realizing everyday that creating moments with them is more rewarding than anything else I could do in my life.  What better way for them to remember those moments then to be able read about what Dad was feeling and thinking when making those special moments together.  I am a self proclaimed history buff and some of our greatest stories and information  about our world and country comes from people who took the time to write down life’s moments.  While I can only imagine that they will probably want the “cooler car” when they are teenagers, my hope is they will someday treasure these following moments and if I can get a smile, laugh, or a tear…I have accomplished a small part of the most challenging and rewarding job I have ever taken called dad.